At Thirty-Six Thousand Feet


Over at dVerse Poets the Form For All challenge was to write a sedōka, which is an unrhymed poem consisting of two tercets with a syllable count of 5-7-7 and 5-7-7. This is what I came up with...




Floating above clouds,

I scrape my fingers across

the sky and forgotten dreams.



For a brief moment

in this unflinching stillness,

I see why God would live here.





© 2013 abruvanamedsly

Sky

9 comments:

  1. I really like this, especially the ending.

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  2. nice...scraping the fingers on clouds & dreams...
    i like the grit of scrape...and then pairing that with
    understanding the almighty....very cool...

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  3. Very nice of the angst-ridden first stanza with the second filled with faith.. :-)

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  4. Very nice...a bit of poignancy as well. Great work with the form.

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  5. What works so well for me is that thematic contrast between the two stanzas, the balance of the worldly and the sublime.

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  6. An elegance characterises your work..very nice!

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  7. I liked the contrast between the two stanzas.

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  8. How nicely done, and so seamless. The form disappears in the cohesiveness expressed here/

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  9. This is a nice inspired write on the form. My favorite section is
    I scrape my fingers across
    the sky and forgotten dreams.
    Very vivid. -Mike

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